As mentioned here, November is a special month for me as it is the month that my parents and my husband and I celebrate our anniversary. Because of this, I am featuring thoughts on love blog posts during this month. My Granny would probably flip if she knew that I was publishing this, but I wanted to share some of her thoughts because I think she is wonderful, wise and very loving. The following passage is not a piece that she wrote specifically on love, but I believe it shows her deep love for her late husband, my step-grandfather.
My world has changed overnight. I don’t do the things I used to do, and now I have to do things I’d rather not do. There’s an illness in the family. A person who cannot take care of himself anymore. Food has to be prepared and brought, medication given at certain times of the day. Water must be closely rationed, and I must check for signs that the emergency room is necessary. I am sad when with him. He once was a strong, intelligent man who took care of me. Now, he has been reduced to illness, to a helpless child. When I’m not with him, I worry. Has he fallen down and can’t get up? Is he calling for me, thinking I’m in another room? Or is he just laying back in his recliner jerking and twitching as he has bad dreams? Is it time to move him to a care home? Can I continue to go back and forth so many times a day checking on him? I want him to live at home as long as possible. How would I feel taking him to a care home and in a rare lucid moment he asks me, ‘Why?’ My life will never be the same. I will always ask myself if I made the right decisions. Did I do all I could? Only the Lord knows.